The After Effect

To begin this post, I have to apologize for once again falling off the blogging band wagon. It seems that once a different part of my life picks up, I no longer have the time or energy to sit down and reflect on things (sometimes with this blog being that vehicle). It seems that with a full time job, an active fitness schedule, and my attempts to be social and take care of myself take up a majority of my time (albeit manageable), but if something else is added into the equation I end up having to drop a hobby to make room for that. While the diligent student part of me condemns myself for not being more on top of posts, my intuition is telling me to have more grace with myself and only write posts when I feel like I have something authentic to say and not because it's been a while since I last posted. That's a long winded way of saying wedding planning took over my life.

Back to the present, I recently listened to a podcast (Dear Sugar tackles a lot of interesting issues and I'm just starting to work my way through the archives while I multitask at work or while I'm running, driving home, or cooking) that talks about how in life we tend to build up the large events that are to come. It's similar to when you were in college and you had a final exam looming over your head- all your efforts go into tackling that event and there is little to no head space left for what will happen after the huge event is over in your life. This can occur for very positive things in life as well. For example, I acted in that similar fashion towards my wedding to my now husband. All of my thoughts and efforts were working towards this one event, but as the day folded out I recognized that while it was an amazing day full of love and joy, it was not something that was going to drastically change who I am and was definitely not the best day of my life.

However, I began to feel a bit guilty about that. Why am I not a more happy, upbeat person now that I have officially married my partner and have all of the things I thought I could ever want for this season of my life? Does that mean I'm not grateful or even not deserving of all these positive things in my life? What it comes down to is that at the end of the day you are who you are. While your happiness and contentment may increase from outside events for a while, you will eventually fall towards your baseline unless you make fundamental changes aimed at altering your life.

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I feel like as a society, we tend to struggle with this concept. Many of us always think that if only I could get that promotion or after I buy that new phone I'll be happy. But when the happiness wears off, we reach for the next thing to fill the hole inside of us. Some people hustle for their whole lives, not realizing that the happiness and peace doesn't come from an external source, but from the inside. No matter how much marketing pushes us to think that this product or this service will truly make a difference, I think it's an important realization that chasing those things may make you more happy momentarily but won't change who you are at your foundation.

This concept can also be translated into what people deem healthy and productive. Chasing after the next grade or the next assignment at work or the next fitness goal seems like a very productive thing to do. But accomplishing these external goals will only bring a person so much happiness before they drop down to their baseline contentment, and instead of trying to alter that they distract themselves with the next big time goal and how to take the steps to accomplish it. But in the end, you are not defined by your accomplishments. Humans have an inherent worth just for being present. You don't have to be the best to be loved and respected. You don't have to get first place to finally be happy. You have that all within you.

Things I miss from New Jersey

Alright, since I just put up a post about my love for my new home (Portland!) it made me realize that I should also do a post about the things that I miss from my old home. I really did enjoy growing up in New Jersey and I hate how everyone jokes about how horrible it is. NJ has a lot of great things about it, especially growing up as a kid. Here are some of the things that I love about NJ and oftentimes miss.

1. Amazing public schools- Ok I realize that I'm no longer in school so this doesn't really apply anymore, but there are times when I am really thankful for the amazing public schools that I went to as a kid. They really did set me up for success, giving me a strong foundation to build upon. I was able to easily get through college and feel like I became a really good student/learner because of the school and the environment I grew up in. When you are surrounded by talented and hard working students, it helps to elevate you in order to keep up.

2. Diversity- This one really depends on where you are in New Jersey, but the high school that I went to was about half Asian and half Caucasian with a few other ethnic groups thrown in there. It was really cool being able to be friends with people who had such diverse backgrounds, who spoke different languages at home with their parents and carried on some of their customs. Portland definitely is lacking in that, and there are times when I really miss being surrounded by a diverse community.

3. Wawa, Dunkin Donuts, Boston Market, Wegmans- There are some stores that haven't made it out to the west coast which really bums me out. Although there are some stores that work as substitutes, I do still miss the real thing. If only Wawa would come to Portland...

4. Proximity to New York, Philadelphia, and other Northeastern cities- this is something that I really did miss in the beginning. It was so nice feeling like I was in the center of some really important cities. Time zones were never a concern. Neither was viewing live events- a lot of the time I have to leave early from work if I don't want to miss the beginning of a live event.  I really do love the energy of those big cities and always having something to do. Living in NJ was nice since I didn't have to live in the center of the cities to enjoy their benefits, but I was only a train ride away.

 On the High Line in NYC

5. The Seasons (and for me the sunshine!)- This might seem strange, but there is a lot of sunny days in New Jersey in comparison to the Pacific NW. I also liked that NJ always had a few decent snow storms in the winter. While a lot of people complain about the snow, I always got excited as a kid and even as a college student when a snow storm was on it's way. It's always so beautiful and a fun change of pace. However, I'm glad that the snow isn't permanently around for months (like it is in the midwest) but comes once a year (unlike in the Pacific NW, where some years there isn't much snow at all).

6. Bagels- Alright this is the first of a few specific foods that I miss from New Jersey. Again, there are some substitutes that help, but the quality just isn't the same. Bagels from the NJ/NY area are crunchy on the outside but soft and chewy in the inside, so you don't even need to toast it- eat it just the way it is. My first job was actually working at one of my favorite bagel shops, and I was seriously in a bagel eating, coffee loving heaven.

7. Diners- You know the ones- with menus that are at least 10 pages long and take you half an hour to make a decision on what to eat at 1 in the morning. Oh how I miss diners.

8. Pizza- Similar to bagels, there are substitutes to help you when  you have a craving, but NJ pizza is just the best. Thin crunchy crust, homemade pizza sauce (and yes people call it gravy from up North), and gooey cheese cooked to perfection. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.

9.  Chinese Food- Again, when  you grow up with amazing Chinese food, all others seem to fall short of what you are used to and expect.

10. Last but not least- my family and friends! Ok this one is a bit biased since obviously not everyone has family in NJ, but I just love coming back to a welcoming community of friends and loved ones.

So as you can see, New Jersey definitely has it's upsides (even though it does receive a lot hate). I do miss it often and enjoy going back to visit a few times a year. Too bad it's 3,000 miles away!

Why I love Portland (OR)

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who has read, commented, and reached out to me about my previous blog post. I've been meaning to write that post for a very long time. Anything that I can do to reduce the stigma in this country regarding mental illness is a huge win in my book. I'm extremely happy that I was able to connect with some people and hopefully make them feel like they aren't alone in this. I'm right by your side.

With all that said, I'll be moving to a different, much lighter topic. However, I will likely revisit it in the future, as it is something I'll always carry with me. As I've mentioned previously on this blog, I moved out to Portland, OR over 3 and a half years ago. I'm extremely lucky that my fiance's job lead us to this amazing city. We both absolutely love living here and can see ourselves living here for a very long time to come. Here are some things that I love about our city. Maybe I'll be able to convince those of you who haven't visited to come over and see Portland for yourself.

1. The Food- this alone would keep me happy in a city. The amount of amazing food is absolutely incredible. There are always places on my list to try! I can't seem to keep up with it all. Part of it has to do with the amazing amount of fresh produce we have in the region. It inspires chefs from all over to come to Portland and open a restaurant. Inspired chefs = delicious, complex, interesting foods. Need I say more? Some favorites include but aren't limited to: Beast, 23 Hoyt, The Picnic House, Park Kitchen, Irving Street Kitchen, Screen door, Brix, Saint Honore Bakery, Ken's Artisan Bakery, Serratto, Bamboo Sushi, Pok Pok, Blue Hour, Urban Fondue, Departure, Natural Selection, Jam on Hawthorne.

 

2. The Hobbies- Running, biking, hiking, camping- anything outdoorsy is huge in Oregon. There is just so much to see and do in Oregon. It's a beautiful state, with everything from mountains, beaches, forests, deserts, rivers, and lakes. While I still haven't seen much of the state, every time we venture out to explore I am completely in awe of the beauty Oregon holds. I also love that so many people who live in Portland really do appreciate all there is to see and do. It really motivates me to see others enjoying the outdoors like Dan and I do.

3. Environmentally Friendly- I love how environmentally conscious the city is. I love having the option to compost things, both at work and at home. It's great to live in a city that is concerned with protecting the environment and takes steps to ensure a healthy future.

4. Community Based (i.e. farmers markets, Portland Timbers, etc)- I love the vibrancy of the community, especially at sporting games (Portland Timbers Football Club) and at the many farmers markets. It is fun to see people who are extremely passionate about their community. These aspects quickly made me feel like I was part of a community, even though I was so far away from the community I had grown up in.

5. The Drinks- Coffee, Wine, Beer, even the water tastes better in Portland. Try some Willamette Pinor Noir or stop by one of the amazing coffee shops- you won't regret it.

6. The Size- I really do love how walk-able the city is. It's the perfect size for us- not too big but not so small that it feels like nothing is going on. It's great being able to explore all the different parts of the city without having to commute hours and hours to get there.

7. Eclectic/Cool- Another thing that I like about Portland is that it definitely has a personality (especially on the east side). While I can't grow a beard and haven't gotten tattoos, I'm definitely embracing the casual work/life attire, drinking delicious coffee and green juice, and taking a bit of a slower pace than I used to on the east coast.

8. The Weather- It is always mild here, which enable people to be outside year round. This helps with all the outdoor hobbies mentioned above. It also extends the growing season for fruit, vegetables, and flowers.

9. The Scenery- this one can speak for itself. From Portland proper, to Mount Hood, to the Oregon coast, there is so much beautiful scenery around Oregon that pictures alone can't capture. However, here is a small peak at home of the beautiful things I've seen.

10. People are friendly- In general, I find people in Portland to be friendlier to strangers than on the east coast. This took some getting used to at first, but now I actually do enjoy chatting with people. Here is a group of girls from a running club I joined recently! They are all so nice and supportive, and a good representation of what you can find out here in Portland.

While there are probably hundreds of other smaller things we love about Portland, I feel like the list above really captures the overarching pieces that make up the city we love. Have a good one!

Anxiety

For the past 7 years or so, I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder. It is technically a "generalized anxiety disorder", i.e. uncontrollable, excessive bouts of anxiety. Obviously it varies considerably from person to person, but I wanted to talk about my experience with it in hopes that it might touch someone who is also affected by a psychiatric disorder. To preface this whole recounting, I wanted to start by saying while this is an all consuming, terrible disease that I would never wish upon anyone, there are ways to manage it and live a relatively normal life. It may seem impossible for someone who is currently in the middle of this struggle, but I really want to emphasize that there are things that can help you manage it.

So let's start at the beginning. I started out having a normal amount of anxiety- I would get worried about a test or a recital, but it was a fleeting emotion that would go away once I was finished with that task. I was a fully functioning, relatively happy normal kid. While I encountered some family struggles as I grew up, I always had support of love ones and friends who became loves ones to help me through everything. I tended to be a bit of an overachiever, and liked to constantly be doing something. However, I was happy and able to balance everything harmoniously. 

And then college came. That's when everything changed for me. I was hit by my first bout of anxiety. I couldn't eat anything, I was hyper-vigilant, my heart beat was pounding fast, I couldn't concentrate or relax, and I was extremely nervous. Now my guess is that everyone has experience this feeling of intense nervousness before, but my problem was that it was constant. I would feel this way for weeks. It was almost as if the world had dimmed. I couldn't taste my food, I couldn't find the good or humor in anything, even colors seemed muted to me. All that was constantly on my mind was the nervousness. Nothing would relieve the terrible feelings that I was experiencing. I would have panic attacks and have no idea why I was panicking. I seriously felt like I was on the brink of something catastrophic and the most frustrating part was I had no idea why I felt that way. 

I would drive to class in complete panic. I had to convince myself to sit through lectures, holding on to the edge of my chair trying not to bolt out of the room because of the panic I was feeling. It was a battle throughout my whole first semester. It took everything that I am to keep myself seated in those classrooms, when I felt like I was in mortal danger. I had no sense of happiness, or laughter or contentment. It was all about finding things to keep my attention away from the ever present nervousness that was right underneath the surface. 

I decided that I needed help. This in and of itself was hard for me to do. There is such a stigma against mental health disorders in the United States. I didn't want to admit that something was wrong with me, but I couldn't keep living like that either. It was the worst I have ever felt in my life. So I eventually went to psychiatrist and was able to start on medication. Unfortunately, it takes a couple of months to ramp up the amount I needed in order to feel "normal" again. So I had to battle that fall semester of my freshman year, through all 4 months. Finally, I started to feel the improvements and was able to begin enjoying things in life again. I found my laugh and smile again. Food had flavor, and the world wasn't a muted version of itself anymore. 

Over the years, I have gone through difference phases of high anxiety times and times when I felt completely normal. Changes in my life became much harder for me to deal with. Anxiety forced my hand in a lot of decisions I made during college, which I am not proud of. But I was able to hold everything together and hide it from most people so on the surface, I was just a normal, high achieving college student. I found things to manage the anxiety and lived a relatively normal life for a few years.

Then I moved across the country for the guy I loved. He got an amazing job offer in Portland, OR (where I had never been before) after graduation, and I told him that he should take the job and I'd move out there for him. As I mentioned earlier, huge life changes really were tough to handle coupled with an anxiety disorder. I was able to find the help I needed to battle the new and probably worst bout of anxiety I had ever faced. I was fortunate to find a great job at an awesome company out in Portland, and started making friends with our coworkers. There were many times when I thought I'd never make it through this move successfully. But my love for my boyfriend and his unwavering support got me through to the other side. 

It's been over 3 years now I'm engaged to that same supportive guy and have some amazing friends, with a wonderful dog and house to call our own. We both are happy with our jobs and are really happy with our new home in the Pacific NW. I am truly so happy for all of these things, and I know that the battle I have fought through the bouts of anxiety was completely worth it. While my anxiety will never be completely "gone", I have a tool kit full of coping mechanisms to help me through it. 

So that's my story so far. Obviously people who have generalized anxiety disorders have a lot of different experiences, but I hope that sharing mine might somehow support someone who is going through anxiety or just something that seems insurmountable. The battle is worth it. You are worth it. Don't give up. 

Protein Powder

This next post was prompted by a text conversation between me and 2 of my girlfriends that I had a few months ago. We are all running Hood To Coast in August (a relay from Mount Hood through Portland, OR down to the Pacific Ocean via Seaside Beach) and have begun training for it. This is of course is accompanied by many sore muscles. Naturally the idea of hydrating, stretch, and foam rolling instantly came to my mind, but one of my friends also mentioned that she would drink a protein shake 1 or 2 times a day to help repair her muscles after a workout. I've occasionally tried protein shakes every now and then, but after talking to my friend and reading about it online, I realized that I was probably not getting enough protein through my regular diet and needed something extra to help with recovery.

Here's what I ended up finding out. For a normal person, you are supposed to eat 0.36 * your body weight in pounds in grams of protein. So for a woman who weighs 130 pounds, you should consume at least 47 grams of protein a day (more if you are physically active). I started doing the math and realized that there were some days that I wasn't even close to hitting that number. That was definitely a good wake up call for me. It also started to explain why I seemed to suffer from sore muscles more often than the average person. In the end I started paying attention to my protein intake and have already noticed a difference in the amount of time it takes me to recover from a workout and the amount of soreness I feel the next day.

Now let's talk protein powder. Since I don't want to be eating a ton of meat each day and I'm really not great about eating enough vegetable based proteins, I knew I would need some extra help somewhere. Enter in the protein powder idea. I used to think only frat guys who spend every day in the gym staring at themselves in the mirror while lifting weights would drink protein shakes. I didn't want to bulk up but wanted to recover quicker and build long lean muscles. However, after doing research I discovered that lots of perfectly normal looking women drank protein powders and that it was more universal that I had originally thought. So I decide I'd give it a go and try it out.

After trying a few different kinds, my favorite is Vega One Protein Powder. There is a nutritional shake as well as a Vega Sport one, but I tend to just drink the nutritional all in one shake to get some extra greens into my diet. French Vanilla is definitely the best flavor, and I tend to mix it with water or soy milk. I will drink it after a big work out or an hour before I go to bed so my muscles and rebuild while I'm snoozing.

Vega One seemed to be the most cost efficient (I tried Shakeology but didn't think it was worth the crazy price), tasted the best (I tried a few that I really didn't like at all), and seems to produce the best results (I bought a few different cheap kinds but didn't seem to get the same feeling as I did with Vega). I also bought a blender bottle ($10-$15) that helps break up all the chunks and gives a smooth texture to your protein shake. I've heard about other incorporating protein powders into smoothies, milk shakes, coffee, baked goods, etc, but I find drinking protein shakes works just fine for me. 

I will continue to see how the protein shakes make me feel, but overall I am really glad that I found one I liked and works for my body (doesn't cause my stomach problems) that also tastes decent. I'd recommend trying out different kinds until you find one that works well for you. Of course it isn't for everybody (there are those amazing people who get the perfectly balanced diet every day), but for those of you looking for a protein increase, give it a try. 

Running Groups

First off, I need to apologize for the lack of posts for the past couple of months. Between the holiday break and getting closer and closer to my wedding date (a little over 3 more months to go!) things kind of got crazy and blogging sort of fell off my radar. However, I do want to be better about posting, especially since I keep coming up with new ideas of things to write about. Clearly I need some kind of environment to chat, even if it ends up to only be me reading these posts in the end. Alright, now that I got all of that covered, let's jump into my experience so far with running groups.

A few months ago, I joined one of my friend's running groups. I was worried about joining a group, because I am a relatively slow runner (9-10 minute per mile pace on a good day) and I didn't want the pressure of keeping up with a fast pace. However, my friend assured me that the group is very social and more supportive than competitive. Now that's my style!

I had originally tried running with another group, but found that the pace was way too fast for me and I couldn't really enjoy myself or talk to other people since I was out of breath for the majority of the time. In the end I came to the wrong conclusion that running with people wasn't for me. I'm glad I was able to give running groups a second chance and was able to find one that really fit with what I wanted. So as you can probably tell from earlier posts, I'm a list maker through and through and jotted a few things down that I really enjoy about running with a running group.

1. Makes the time go by quicker- I was really surprised by this one because I don't listen to music when I go out with the running group. I thought that a 2 hour run would drag by, but surprisingly it actually goes by faster than it used to. It's a lot of fun to be able to chat with people about everything and anything while being in a pressure free environment.

2. Try out new routes- I tended to do the same long run path over and over again since I was always worried about trying a new route and getting lost or having to run longer than expected. I didn't realize how extremely boring it was. I'm lucky that the person who organizes the running group (whom we like to call our fearless leader) always has a fun new route to try and never gets us lost. It really is great being able to learn new routes for future reference.

3. Meet new people, and not in a superficial way- If you are going to sweat with someone for miles, you definitely bond with them pretty quickly. I love being able to meet a diverse set of people who all share a common interest.

4. Motivation- It is very motivating to know that the group is going to always run at the same time on the same day week in and week out. It makes it super easy to plan around (not that I would probably be awake at that time if it wasn't for the group anyways!). It really motivates me to go every week just to catch up with the people.

5. It's healthy because you are indeed running- Talk about killing two birds with one stone- you can chat AND do something extremely healthy at the same time. It's kind of the best thing ever.

6. Get tips from other runners- This was one benefit I hadn't thought of before but has become so valuable to me. It is so helpful to be able to talk about any problem areas you are having and if other runners have experienced similar things. It is also helpful to see other people's good habits and adopt them for yourself. One example is eating some kind of energy gel once every hour and making sure you have enough water to follow up on each gel. I notice I start to fade if I don't eat something to refuel my body.

I also began carrying a water pack (which is the best!) since I saw others doing it. If nothing else, I learned those great tips from my fellow runners.

7. Learn about upcoming races- Although I am often perusing runningintheusa.com, it is nice to hear about fun races people have done in the past or are going to do in the future.

8. Safety in numbers- For whatever reason, I feel a lot safer when I go out for a run in certain parts of the city when I'm with a bunch of other people. It's easier for cars to see a decent size group over just one person. Plus it's nice to have extra eyes to look for oncoming traffic.

9. Keeps you accountable- you want to make sure you put in those shorter runs each week so you are ready to go on the long runs during the weekend. If you don't, you will definitely be feeling it during the run which makes it harder to chat with people (since you will likely be out of breath).

10. Fun! I've had a blast so far with this group. I feel really lucky that I was able to find such an awesome group of people who are interested in running and fitness just like I am.

While I'm sure there are other reasons out there that are motivating me to keep running with my group, these are the ones that seem to stand out in my mind so far. Hopefully this might convince some of you to try something new, even if it isn't specifically a running group. Joining a club or group is really a great way to meet people when you are an adult, plus it helps motivate you to continue pursuing your interests and hobbies.

Items To Always Have On Hand

Dan and I had a tough week. Between both of us having a stomach virus and a power outage for half a day, I've been VERY thankful for some stored essentials in our house. There also a couple of things I wish we had and I'm definitely going to buy them off Amazon before another crazy week occurs. Hopefully this list could help supplement what emergency items you already have in your house.

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Dealing with being sick
1. Clorex Wipes- I love these things.
2. Carpet Cleaner- we used a pet carpet cleaner since that's what we had on hand and it seemed to be fairly effective.
3. Lots of Paper Towels- We only had a couple of rolls, but I'm glad we had them on hand.
4. Extra change of clothes
5. Trash Bags
6. Buckets/Large Bowls- Always have this by your side just in case.
7. Bleach- Just a little bit of this in a toilet really kills the germs and smells.
8. Hand Soap- Lots of it to prevent spreading it to other people.
9. Ginger Ale/Gatorade/ Pedialyte- I found it good to mix up the fluids I drank to keep it interesting. At first I would stir the ginger ale until the bubbles were gone, but eventually I made it to drinking it straight from the can.
10. Saltine Crackers- There is nothing better at settling a stomach than saltine crackers. Always have some of these on hand (and make sure they aren't stale).
11. Soup- A few different varieties came in handy, especially since Dan was also sick.
12. Over the counter medicine- Tylenol, Pepto Bismal, NyQuil, etc.
13. Tissues- Not really for stomach bugs, but good for colds. I'm a fan of the lotion tissues when I have a cold to help prevent "tissue burn".
14. Non-Caffeinated Herbal Tea- chamomile and peppermint are my favorites.
15. Applesauce- part of the BRAT diet (bananas, white rice, applesauce, and white dry toast) to eat when you are recovering from a stomach bug.
16. Thermometer

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Power Outage
1. Bottled Water- While your water should fine, its easier than fumbling with a glass to get something to drink.
2. Flashlights- With working batteries in a place where you know they are.
3. Standing Lantern- I got these off of Amazon. They are compact, very bright, and automatically turn on when you pull the lantern open. Plus they operate on AA batteries, so we didn't need to get special batteries for them.
4. Extra Batteries- for said flashlights and lanterns.
5. Plenty of food in the pantry to eat- granola bars, crackers, etc. We kept our fridge closed in order to keep the temperatures cooler so our food wouldn't spoil.

Hopefully none of you encounter the stomach bug or have a power outage in the same week, but it's always good to be prepared!